Matchmaker

left: A bride dressed in traditional Japanese wedding attire. Many women rent three or four gowns for their wedding day. Rental cost: around $10,000!!! For one day!!!

A co-worker recently told me that she sought out the services of a "matchmaker" in town to help her find a husband. My co-worker is smart, fluent in English, and sociable. She was 33-years-old when she first spoke to the matchmaker to explain that her time for marriage was running out--she needed to find a husband soon or she would forever be single and childless, a fate no Japanese woman would wish upon her cruelest childhood bully.

Why would a smart and sociable woman need the help of a town matchmaker you ask? Because she is an only child. She MUST carry on her father's name and therefore must find a husband who is a second son (ie. more likely to take on her name because his brother, the first son, will have already carried on the family name).

When I asked a Japanese mother in Ueda, "How would you feel if your two sons married women who refused to take your family name?" she frowned before giving her answer--

"Oh no, my husband wouldn't like that at all."

In my mind, I thought, No, I didn't ask how your husband would feel--I asked how you would feel.
A name is a name. To kid yourself and stress about your family name continuing forever and ever until the end of time is just plain silly.

I pray and hope that I will never be so afflicted with hubris that I'd try to influence my child's love life for the sake of my family name.